she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
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I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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