I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
