she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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