She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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