I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
