Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
