dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
