So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
