I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
