I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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