I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
