I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
