I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
