That's when you crack a 10am beer
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
