Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Little spoons don't ask big questions
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
