Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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