remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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