Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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