so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
