Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
4 words: hood of his car
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
