I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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