dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
