saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
