I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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