I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
