is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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