am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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