K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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