Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
