someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
