I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
