I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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