Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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