The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
