I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We got so high we made milksteak
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
