I faked an abortion last night.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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