I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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