I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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