oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
