Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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