I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize