bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
