i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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