So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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