her vagine was all disorganized.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
