so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
