Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
