we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
