Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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