with your own penis?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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