Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
