He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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