i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Randomize
