she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
