drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
