At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
