dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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